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Monday, February 22, 2010

2/22/10 Scale Whores Anonymous-1st Anniversary Meeting!!!

AGENDA
- Call to Order:

o 'TAP, TAP, TAP...Is this mike on?'

- Creed: Yes, you must recite it with me...this serious business...whose snickering back there? Right foot on your scale...

o I am a Scale Whore. I wear this title with pride. Keeping track of my weight and use of a scale is an important tool in my journey toward or at a healthy weight. I am only one of many others like me and together we are a group. Although our journeys and choices may be different, we are bonded together by the common strategy of keeping a careful eye on our weight. I will share freely and will educate others on my strategies so that others may learn from my experiences. I will accept, respect and support my fellow Scale Whores regardless of their choices and alternate strategies without passing judgment, regardless of my personal views. I will unite with this group to defend against the prejudices and intolerance of others in order to preserve the support and accepting atmosphere of this group. I am here to teach and to learn, to find support and give it, so that I can more successfully reach or maintain a healthy weight.

Thank you all for keeping it together.

-Review of Qualifications for Joining SWA:
o Join Us!!! What?!! You don’t know if you qualify as a Scale Whore (or 'Gigolo'...the 'G' is silent in our title, but we all know it's there...like a deadly fart...not that you're like a fart men...but don't guys like farts...I'll just stop now and say you're in)? Well, here are the qualifications for becoming a member. You only need to say ‘Yes’ to last one* and ‘Yes’ to any one other item listed below, and you’re in:

o Do you enjoy getting on your scale often (OK, maybe ‘enjoy’ isn’t the right word when getting on a scale)? This can be anywhere between at the Doctors to every hour. More often than that and you just need help and you’re too afflicted even for us (getting on and off 3 times in a row to average doesn’t count as too much, as any Scale Whore can tell you, this counts as one).

o Do you find yourself trying to wear (or naked) basically the same thing every time you weigh yourself (let's not even get started on bathroom habits)?

o Do you weigh yourself, or your clothing/shoes before you go to the doctor so you can figure your exact weight and if your scale matches your doctors (and then almost pee yourself holding it until you get home and on the scale)?

o Do you somehow chart or spreadsheet your weight (or track it on your bathroom mirror)?

o Do you try to somehow predict what your weight will be in the future? Those with magic crystal balls need not apply (that’s cheating and considered an unfair advantage…the rest of us are at the mercy of the Weight Loss Gods who take great pleasure in messing with our predictions daily).

o *Do you NOT want help for any of the above? Meaning you’re secretly OK with the fact that you’re a Scale Whore (so pretty much anyone who doesn’t want help or doesn’t think this is an affliction)? I'm going to say this one more time...We're not here to help you stop weighing...We're all about weighing yourself MORE, not less, so please join another group if you think weighing is a problem...move along (and you must be missing the WL gene).

Then come out of the closet (or bathroom) and sign up to join us!

- Role Call and Reading of Minutes of Last Meeting:
o Last meeting was our semi-annual meeting in August. I've got to say, you're all looking great...just look how much less our group weighs since six months ago!!! Some of you are only half a member now! I can hardly believe it's been a whole year since the group's formation!

- Swearing in and Initiation of new members:
o Scales and Measuring tapes will be involved…don’t worry, it’s all done in a pitch black room and we’ve all survived…so far. Initiates...you may put on your blindfolds NOW. Shh...stop that giggling and someone get the lights!

- Announcements, Reports, Business, Program, Open Sharing:
o SWA WL awards will now be awarded (Can you tell it's the year of the Olympics?!). Since this is a new program I've added to our meetings I would like you all to take a moment to pull out your WL spreadsheets (or mirrors) and do some calculating. Our last meeting was 6 months ago, so please calculate how much you've lost in the last 6 months (yes, even you new Initiates). OK, times up! This isn't high math...I weighed 195 August 22nd -minus- 161 today (stupid Goal Limbo) = 34 pounds...I'm sorry, I'm much too blonde to convert this to metric (and I was around when the US schools were going to convert to the metric system...well THAT was a wasted year of math...just about the time I caught on they decided to bag it...we HAD to be different!), but we're in luck, all our overseas members are smart...even the blonde ones. Now please step up to the scale and weigh-in to receive your award (I hung mine on my Bulletin Board...ooooo shiny!).



---Bronze to members having lost 0-39 pounds/6 mo.; congrats, you've lost weight (because no one goes home empty handed) and those losing more than 26 pounds have lost more than the 1 pound minimum per week the docs promise!

---Silver to members having lost at least 40 pounds/6 mo.; that's more than 1.5 pounds/week...way to go!

---Gold to members having lost at least 50 pounds/6 mo.; that's about 2 pounds/week...awesome...we all bow down before you (just hum your national anthem as you collect your gold medal please). Anyone, Anyone? OK, bust out the karaoke machine and then she'll come forward!

---A special award, the SWA Goal Trophy, will now be given to anyone at their goal who has maintained their goal weight for the past 6 months (d*mn, stupid Goal Limbo, it's now going to take me a year to get that trophy for my shelf!).

o The floor is now open for sharing of WL tracking and methods. Share how you use a scale and/or track your weight (random thoughts also always welcome).

- Entertainment, Social Activities, Just for Fun:
o Arts and Crafts, games, teambuilding, etc. Share yours here and the group will participate (I'll get the ice...d*mn glue guns!)! I see you all brought your scales as instructed...I'd like to end this part of our meeting with 'Musical Scales' (my fav).

- New Business, Suggestions:
o For Our Next Meeting (or suggestions for anything else...how do you like our new venue here...like the wallpaper?).

- Closing Ceremony:
o The parade of countries, Dominoes Formation "Fall" with our Scales (symbolic of our weight falling down), and fireworks to rival the Olympic Ceremonies!!!

o Until Next Time…

28 comments:

Andrew said...

How about yes to all the above...I'm a wh...I mean Gigolo

I weigh every day ,morning and night and can normally predict my morning weight from what I weigh after going to bed...

to early for awards for me , lets hope for at least a silver in 6 months time :-)

Andrew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
THE DASH! said...

I weigh each morning - starkers except for knickers - and make sure I'm not holding earrings, or a anything in my hand less it ups my weight lol. Do I qualify?

BanderificBeauty said...

LOL! That is great! I totally fit in with this club. I am one of the mirror people. Use to be dry erase board till I found glass markers which are way fun anyway. I hope I can get an award the next time :) Sure wish it was a pretty gold.

Girl Bandit said...

I never knew I was a whore...but yes i am and with a bronze medal too.....am I in????

Band Groupie said...

You're all in...now stop peeking and put that blindfold down...hee-hee.

sdh5463 said...

I'm in... I'm in, but I can't get a medal that I want so badly! Only banded in Jan! I will work hard to be a medal (or Trophy) winner next year! :-)

Anonymous said...

I am in!!!
I think I have only missed one meeting. Thus far!!
You are doing so well you inspire many. I am not sure which metal as I have to what until March 10 to see the REAL BIG scale... I work at a school and have jumped on a few times. But psychologically it is NOT the same. So I never really believe it. LOL Getting down there is good. Going to set a GOAL on March 10. I am just a little toooooo excited about that. Have a great day. imaluckydog

Sally Hamilton said...

Too funny! You have to have a sense of humor about all this weight loss stuff or it becomes WORK. By the way, I get the maintenance award if you'll let me in SWA.

Band Groupie said...

Too exciting...we have our first 'Maintenance Award' trophy winner!! YAY Sally!

...AND our first gigolo! Andrew, 'all the above'?...you're doing a presentation at the next meeting! ...and I'll make you a SGwA medal when you get there!

Sandy Lee said...

Funny post. I get a bronze since no one goes home empty handed. Not very competitive though and only get on my scales once or twice a day. When I get mad, I skip a day. I'll play though and work towards the silver. Thanks for keeping us entertained.

TracyZ said...

I am definitely a SW. I think I do all of the things on the list.

And after being only two months and one week out I am bronze - but I am only a couple pounds from silver. I am striving for the gold at my six month mark!!

Jennifer said...

I'm SO a Scale Whore! ha ha! I love this. I'm so glad that 3 (or 4) times in one morning doesn't disqualify me. My scale and I have fights in the AM. It's so dang picky. And I'm always testing it. Yesterday I grabbed a few heavy objects to hold. I was only 1 ounce away from the next lb. and it would not move down - even though I peed & tried again! The stupid thing!

I absolutely believe that I am more conscious of what I'm eating when I know I'm going to be weighing in every single day. When I'm not weighing myself - it's because I'm in my 'bad' place! And I don't like it there! The wallpaper is terrible.

I'm off to post my Bronze medal on my blog! Thanks BG! :)

Gilly said...

Offically the funniest post title of the week! Maybe the month. My name is Gill, and I am a scale whore!

Once, when I went to Weight Watchers, I actually got into a big argument with one of the ladies who does the weigh-ins, because she weighed me on the "other" scale, and I didn't lose that week...so I wanted to be weighed on my "usual" scale, so it would be fair. And she WOULDN'T!!! And they were scale nazis!! So I concluded that the scales at WW are fixed. And also that the world is plotting against me...but that's another story...

Wooo...silver!!

Bandita Senorita said...

I love the Dominoes Formation Fall of the scale...very creative!!! :)

Rebekah said...

Yeay!! An award!! I love awards! Even if it is bronze!!

Band Groupie said...

Woot! Look at all our new members...and look how well they're doing!!! ...and some of you are more than a little OCD about your weighing (I should know).

Bandita...Next meeting, if we get enough members, maybe you could arrange the scales so they'll spell 'SWA' as they fall...

LDswims said...

I'm posting the bronze even though I haven't been banded yet. I'm posting it because even though I'm not banded, yet, I AM down 13 pounds. And that's something...not much...but everyone goes home a winner.

Heehee...

Good meeting, good meeting. I am feeling fulfilled and not alone.

Wait...I don't think I got on the scale this morning. WHAT? I must go home NOW!

Anonymous said...

I have lost 1/2 pound, but really I gained 22 pounds and then lost them again in that time...so well whatever. I'm a total scale whore. Great club!

LoseIt!

Grizzlyrider said...

I am definitely a Scale Whore and want to be in the club! I'm a gold medal winner - but then I was just banded August 31 so I'm a "honeymoon" loser. I'm so glad I am not the only one that believes in frequent and obsessive weighing! Carry on all Scale whores and gigolos!!!

Band-Babe said...

I'm a scale whore and proud of it! When's the next meeting again? Too funny!

Band Groupie said...

YAY! Our first Gold Medal winner! Now step up to the karaoke mike Grizzly and belt out that tune!

Kristin said...

Hysterical post. I'm in SWA for sure. Only a bronze right now - 15 pounds since my surgery seven weeks ago today. Here's hoping for gold soon!

Grizzlyrider said...

"I feeeeeeel good, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah" "I knew that I would now, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah" "So good, so good, I've got the band dah-dah-dah-dah wooooooooooo"

Band Groupie said...

ROTFLMAO...sing it girl!...everybody now...dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah!!!

mommyof4 said...

Yes I am a scale whore, and proud of it. It really helps me stay in line. When I know I'm doing bad I won't weigh, and that's how the lbs start piling on. (Naked)!!!!

Camille said...

I am also a scale whore. I have a formula to calculate the difference between my scale and the doctor's scale. I am freaking out right now because we bought a new scale and I don't know how it compares to the doctor's office. i find out Wednesday.

diane said...

Not really sure I belong here...I'm not on the scale that much and I know I can quit anytime I want to!

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