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I'm on a new journey to pay-it-forward & with the support of my Groupies/friends...

I'm writing a LAP BAND BOOK!!!


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

8/3/10 My Secret to my BEST

I thought I'd let you in on something I'm writing about in the maintenance portion of the book...here's the abbreviated version...

Yes, I'm coining yet another LB term here in the blogosphere...because I'm lazy. Goggle didn't even help me this time...like it did when I started using "BDD" (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) way back when I started this journey...and that one took off like wildfire. OK, so my 'Goal Limbo' didn't exactly catch on, but I thought it was descriptive...maybe it needed an acronym or something 'cute'. Like the ones we learned from the boards when we first start..."PB", "stuck", "bat wings", "PS".

We need a term for the skin that deflates after WLS...NO, not stretch marks, the baggy stuff...YES, I KNOW you have a 'panni', but I don't...I have a 'fanni'...or maybe that's two 'fannis'...I wonder if 'fanni' is considered a plural? ...but I digress (go figure)...I need a term for skin on any part of your body that's now loose.

Hmm...let me think...How about ES (Elephant Skin), that's more what it looks like after all...lots of wrinkled skin? Naw that just makes people picture rough skin, like those lotion commercials. BES (Baggy Elephant Skin)? Yeah, that could work!

And now....

...for my secret...

...the secret to making my BES (pronounced Bess) look SO much better?

...alright...are you ready for it?...

...a tan!

Yep, I'm turning my BES into my BEST!!!

It's BES with a 'T' for Tan!

OK, why we pasty white girls (you dark skin gals just always look better) think that gross cellulite hanging skin looks better with a tan is beyond me...but it does, doesn't it?! So, I've decided I'm going to be tan the rest of my life! It's part of my maintenance plan.

But how to go about this? Hmmm...pasty white girl who burns like butter in a frying pan...only one option...

...NO not paint...but you know I LOVE those craft projects...

...SUNLESS TANNER!!!!

I opted for the darker color 'Medium to Tan' instead of 'Pasty White to Pale'....I know, I'm living dangerously, but no guts no glory and I only have two days to tan...I'll be looking black and beautiful in no time flat...either that or I'll look like a zebra on the beach with all my lotion stripes...I'd recommend diagonal stripes if you have 'curtain legs' BEST- go across the 'grain'...and vertical stripes, they're SO much more slimming up top...and you can get creative and add 'hair' to your tummy so it looks like a face like mine with with my scar 'eyes' and my new 'frownie' (belly-button)...




OR after I get out of the ocean I'll look like this...


I can't reach my shoulder blades to put the lotion on, so I'm sure I'll look like I have 'back boobs' as well...

'People of WalMart' http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=6714 here I come!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

lol! go to the tanning salon and pay someone to spray tan you!!! it works wonders, my pasty white friend gets it done all the time, the worst part is you have to stand there naked while she does it, or you can get it done in a booth, that is almost like a gas chamber (scary as hell) I've done both ways too! good luck!

amandakiska said...

Love it!

I don't apply sunless tanner usually, but when I have in the past, I've found that putting it on while wearing rubber clothes is important and using a bit of regular lotion as I massage it in makes for a more even application.

Band Groupie said...

"I've found that putting it on while wearing rubber clothes is important"

...umm, yeah Amanda...good idea...'rubber clothes'...that'll look nice on the beach...where do I get some?

tessierose said...

LOL! I always say, if you can't tone it, TAN it! Just take a pork chop for instance, it looks terrible when the fat is white, but brown that fat up, add a little seasoning and it's a sight to behold.

Anonymous said...

You are hysterical! I couldn't agree more though. I just got a Body Bugg and the skin from my now much smaller arms just SAGS around it. Lovely! Thanks so much for the giggles. :)

LBT LoseIt!
Beth

Darlin1 said...

Tan ---is definitely good!!!

Pamela E. Williams said...

You are Hi-larious!! I love it. Come over and be with us black girls. Your beautiful self would fit right on in.

I love the BES acronym!!

I nominated you for an award over at my little spot. Check it out http://lessthanfat.blogspot.com/2010/08/me-versatileim-one-trick-pony.html

Sandy Lee said...

Too funny. But have you tried the new spray on tans. I agree with the BES. Got it too. Maybe you can design a full body Spanx to lift and support all that skin. Will be looking for it in stores everywhere.

Kathi said...

Hello my friend, you are such a crack up. I'm well and was actually a week ahead of you in the Jersey area last week. Sorry I missed you, but I get back to that area often, we'll have to try a meet up soon! Enjoy your trip and the tan lines are too funny.

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