2/21/09 Potty Humor

*NOTE: I don't know how to move the potty pics over, so this won't make much sense:

DH wasn't feeling great last night...stomachache. So we went to bed last night around 11pm as I was started to get a stomachache too. Then the abdominal cramps started and they kept me awake. About midnight I ran to the bathroom (Master Bath, connected to our bedroom...this will be important later, so pay attention) and it felt like it was this far away..

...dear Lord the seat is up and I almost fell in (again)!!! Sometimes I hate living with 3 boys in the house!!! Let's just say I was sitting on the throne and barfing into the trashcan (I'm good at multi-tasking) for at least an hour...and I used this much toilet paper...

and after awhile it felt like this (sandpaper)...

Let me preface this next part by telling you that I have given birth to three children and only with the last one did I take anything...an epidural (yes, it took me until the third to get smart, I'm stupid that way). I never came close to screaming or even complaining giving birth. I think I have a pretty high threshold of pain. Now, last night the abdominal cramps got so bad at one point that I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs.

I seriously thought I needed to go to the hospital, and I said so, LOUDLY...VERY LOUDLY...it hurt that bad. I'm sure my neighbors next door heard me...but did DH sleeping just beyond the bathroom door (remember, it's connected to our bedroom) hear me...nope...he snores that loudly.

I think we (I use that term 'we' very loosely since I didn't see anyone else up last night) got food poisoning from the pizza DH picked up at Costco. I've been recovering today. The 'bad' news is I lost a ton of weight with my 'colon cleansing'...bad because I'm now below my minimum BMI...and you all know what that means for me...Ah well, I'm an expert at gaining (as you well remember).

Yes, I got lots of "I didn't even hear you!" this morning...glad I wasn't actually dying. I'm now getting these stickers for my toilet...

NO, make that one of these...

and definitely one or two of these...