1/6/09 The Biggest Loser Winner

I’m watching ‘The Biggest Loser’ right now (along with most of you I’m sure) and I just got another “Little Nudge”…Ever since I’ve decided this past summer to pursue WLS I’ve been noticing these more. Over the years, when I’ve been on my multitude of diets, all I ever noticed was the food; commercials, cooking shows, diet plans…FOOD, FOOD, FOOD! But since my decision I’ve noticed other things…those little nudges that say ‘Yeah, you’ve made the right decision, keep going toward your goal!’. Some were obvious ‘you don’t have to hit me over the head’ things like suddenly having almost no clothes to wear, and the day of my first weigh-in where I got my hypertension diagnosis…yes, the comorbidity I needed to get accepted, but scary at the same time. Some were small lightbulbs like my Mom buying me a kitchen scale that I need for weighing mail…yes, I just realized I’ll actually be using it now for food. I haven’t told anyone but DH about my decision, yet I keep getting these little nudges.

Tonight’s was a biggie though…my youngest DS2 was watching the show with me. He started off the show saying ‘You’re not as big as any of them Mom’…Bless his heart…Denial is a thing I’ve obviously taught my child well. Minutes into the show though the oldest man collapsed and passed out…my son freaked; of course the show was talking all about health problems and that obesity causes them and early death. DS who didn’t want to say anything for fear of making me mad was obviously dying to talk about it (we NEVER talk about ‘IT’, my weight). So, I gave him permission…I told him I wanted to know how he was feeling and I promised not to get mad. He said plenty…he was scared…and he had it all figured out…exactly how old I would be when he graduates college (like his sister is getting ready to) and how I might not be alive by then if I didn’t get thinner…WOW…I hate to admit it, but I’ve been so internally focused on this journey and improving my health that I’d never considered that my kids might be just as worried about my health. He made me promise that I’d be on the treadmill tomorrow morning…fighting back the tears I promised.

He’s in bed now, so I’m glad he missed the part of the show when they go to the Drs. for all the testing. I was glad he missed my tears as I watched the Dr. explain what a fatty liver is (wouldn’t have know that one before researching Lap Band)…and I certainly dropped a few more tears when the guy who had RnY explained how he’d put ON weight since the surgery…I feel for these people. In past seasons you could have found me on the couch watching this show and saying ‘yeah if I had a trainer 24/7 maybe I could get those results’…and boy have I noticed those reunion shows and how so many of those that lost major weight on this show gained a lot back…all the negatives. This year I’m hopeful…and I’m feeling like I’m being nudged in the right direction…I will be The Biggest Loser Winner!