1/16/09 The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly!

The Good:
I DID IT! Did you see?! There it is! I FINALLY created an avatar! And GET THIS…I also MADE MY OWN WL TICKER!!!!! Nope, not from a ticker site…from scratch!!! Yep, I did that! With pics even!!! Can you believe it??!! I happened upon a cool ticker on a WLS site which showed 10 pound bowling balls for weight loss…I thought that was such a cool analogy (and the creator of it already lost 11 bowling balls!). So I asked and she patiently helped me with the drawing program. Don’t ask me how to do it as I spent a day and a half (more about that later) and I still don’t know…trial and error, but with my art background it was a fun challenge. Now, I didn’t want to be a complete copy-cat so I tried to think of something else that was also about 10 pounds. It came to me…remember my family joke/blog ‘Never eat anything bigger than your head!’? Well, I googled it and apparently the average weight of a human head is 10 pounds…perfect, 10 pound heads and an atypical ticker, like me. I only wished I had more pics of me to chose from…apparently our scanner is out of sync, so all I could use were pics that were already on CD’s…so there’s my face on the ticker 1 1/2 years ago at my parent’s 50th, about 20 pounds lighter; and me on the avatar, outside, glass of wine in hand about 3 1/2 years and 30-40 pounds lighter…but I look about the same on my top half as it all went to my a$$; except DH says a little weight in the face, and the 4 years of aging, and the temporary brunette hair that will soon be back to blonde (although I’m enjoying my extra brain cells), and some bangs now…but other than that, it’s me. I’m so proud!!! Read on if you want to know why this was an EXTRA challenge!

The Bad:
I officially HATE computers. Yes, my computer is STILL down, so I haven’t been on much. Remember? My daughter closed the power cord in the recliner cutting the cord, right after Christmas. Well, after ordering two Chinese replacements from different stores and waiting for each to arrive, neither one worked (“Unsupported” and lots of beeping, whatever that means). DH finally ordered me a Dell one…to arrive this weekend. I’m not holding out much hope. So I’d been using the kids/home one. Then DH's computer and our home one both ‘caught something’; yep even with the firewall system we have. Apparently they had to bring in an outside computer guy at DH's work to fix it (their co. guys couldn’t…yikes) and the geek had to take the computer back to his co. to get help. In the process they lost everything on DH's computer and it’s still not fixed. Our home computer is still ‘bugged’ and about every third screen you switch to it knocks you off and a new screen comes up that is a fake Microsoft or Google screen (it has three different ones) telling you to click on it because the website you’re on is a potential threat. The computer geek tells us this ‘bug’ is nothing you can avoid. Apparently Microsoft headquarters got the same one. You never had to click on anything to start it, it just comes in with websites or emails (wish I knew how) and the bug is just trying to sell you something, it’s not spyware…small condolence, as that’s also the reason they can’t prosecute these hackers…laws haven’t caught up with this yet (they all ought to be taken out back and shot). If I hadn’t been so motivated to get this ticker done, I would have gone nuts…it took me an hour to do what I could normally do in 15 min….VERY AGRIVATING! So who knows what will happen when we take the home computer in, and I’m sure even IF the new power cord comes and IF this third try works this weekend on my laptop if I should risk catching this bug? If you don’t hear from me for awhile, you’ll know I’m still in computer he!!.

And The Ugly:
Tuesday I had DH take my ‘before’ pics finally. Now that we replaced the broken digital camera at Christmas, I was just waiting for a good time. He was off Tues. for the surgeon’s consult so I did it. They’re horrific (or at least the ones I've seen)!!! NO, I’m not sharing them…maybe when I have some good ‘afters’…maybe…or maybe not. Remember I’m the one who’s been running from the camera all these years and could hardly find a pic of myself for an avatar, so to see the whole me in something tight…yeah, remember I was debating the range of those before pics…from the ‘underwear girl’ (no way) to the all dolled up in the camouflage-the-fat clothes. I decided to go with something near the underwear end of the range and a step up from ‘Biggest Loser’ clothes (my legs and belly are so pasty white and dimpled, so NO). But I want to really see the changes…tight spandex sweats and a tight tank top…shows enough. I remembered to get the flabby upper arm shots and just the face pics. DH kept saying as he looked at the pics after every pose… ‘Man, that doesn’t even look like you. If someone asked me if that was my wife I would have said no.’ Now I’m not sure if he was being honest and I’ve just been such a good fat-camoflager all these years (yes, even, or especially around him) that he was truly surprised, or if he was just trying to cheer me up as there was no denying these pics could star in a horror film. Oh well, the ‘before’ ones are supposed to look bad right? I still haven’t brought myself to look at the full body shot ones yet…I need to do that…I need the same dose of reality poor DH got. Yep, I still think I looked huge at 160# 8 years ago, and I still think I look exactly the same today, 80+# heavier…there’s something wrong with my self image…those ‘before’ and hopefully ‘afters’ may be just what I need to build my body image and acceptance as I go through the changes…here’s hoping!