11/12/08 "Before" pics

I’m nervous about my last seminar tomorrow (at the third hospital I'm visiting) so I’m being lazy and spending most of the day on the computer. After lurking all over today I’m now feeling the need to take my “Before” pictures or find some. I’m even thinking I might even attempt the insurmountable feat of creating an Avatar soon (isn’t that a Cartoon show?). Heck, I’ve now got a Blog and I didn’t know what that was a week ago! And BTW what the heck is a Vlog people are mentioning “I love vlogging?”?? I’ll have to Google that one!

I’ve found there are very few recent pics of me…I hide from the camera, shove my youngest in front of me, or it’s in my hand…I wonder why. This is a somewhat scary proposition. So…I’ve been perusing everyone’s Before/After pics (wow you all look so different! You know I’m talking about you! What an inspiration!) …do I wear the jeans; nope…I’ll NEVER be able to get that pic where I’m standing in one pant leg! I’ve got the jeans for 160# still hanging in my closet and they’re not ½ the size of my current ones...hard to believe I was there less than 8 years ago (for the umpteenth time!). Do I just do the face shot…nope; unfortunately I still have a very oval face with a double chin only when I smile. Let’s be real…It’s not my face carrying this weight…I’m a pear and the skinniest part is still at the top, my head. Do I dress myself in my finest (aka full camouflage of the weight)? Or do I let it all hang out (I saw one in her underwear belly fat roll in hand...I’ll cut her a break, maybe she doesn’t own a bikini; I know I don’t! BTW not here…we have standards here!) I think I’m opting for the middle ground. I like the ones that wear the same outfit so you can really see the differences…so I guess I’ll need to wear pants I might keep…oh, wait, I guess that only leaves my spandex sweats and a tank…not so pretty…that’s one step away from the underwear lady! But maybe that’s the motivation I need! I don’t know about you but I know I don’t see myself the way others see me…while I’m disgusted by the site of me and what I’ve done to my body…I know I still don’t see myself as fat as I am…Why is that? And when I was 70# lighter when we moved to Pittsburgh, I remember being in my youngest sisters wedding and feeling SO fat…I hate my photos from that day. Maybe Technicolor photos will help me gain perspective. So I’m gathering my courage to have my DH photograph me…I’ll let you know how it goes.

Now I’ve just got to ask…WHAT’S UP with all those Avatars of people’s faces taken from above their heads? They are beautiful and interesting, but I started to ask myself why? Why no face pics from below…OK…looking up anyone’s nose wouldn’t be pretty! Above- Is it so no one can recognize you? Do they all have disfiguring goiters on their necks…I’m not making fun…I’m just curious. I’ve finally decided they all have double or triple chins (I’m a double) they’re hiding. I’ll have to keep this in mind when I finally figure out how to do an Avatar…I wonder how skinny I’d look from up above? But then I'd have to dye my gray roots! For now I’ll just work on the “Before”…

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In response to a comment I got:
Vlogging (thanks)- I thought at first everyone was misspelling blogging for the longest time! My youngest, 13, just showed me a vlog on UTube...wow...it's one thing to see pics of the underwear lady...a whole other to see them dancing around in them chatting us up! And those head shots from above, OK you confirmed it...don't they know they're on a FAT PEOPLE site? Do they really think they're fooling us fellow double-chinners?...and more importantly...do you think I can get away with it on my Avatar...or did I just "out" myself?