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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

11/19/08 Inspiration in Skinny Photos

So I’m making my Christmas ornaments today. I know, I know, for all of you out there in the work world you’re saying “Rough Life BG!”. I worked for a long time, so I’m there with you…and yes, I do appreciate rare days like today…snowflakes falling…holiday music playing…and I’m hot gluing ornaments (Hey, I’ve got the dishwasher and laundry going and I could get BURNED by the glue gun…it’s tough work I tell you!). (I should be packing us up for our two different trips to our families next week as DH is traveling all this week, but I'm not.)

Actually, I copped out this year, big time…I’m using a kit (shhhh)…blasphemy for an ex Art Teacher…I just didn’t find any inspiration this year. Understand, these ornaments/or decorations (exchange with family and my gifts for neighbors/friends) are a lot of pressure for me every year…it’s my “Martha” moment; lots of pressure. I always create original ideas and go to great lengths to make something unique each year and now the bar is set very high for beautiful handmade gifts…antique bobbins made into a candle stick with ribbons braided through the holes and tin punched trees ontop with the candle; Hand painted plates with potpourri and candles; beautiful hanging “Kissing Balls” with mistletoe, fancy ribbons and bells; a set of wine charms with beads and different clay Christmas characters glazed and shining…see, pressure. I ponder this all year and gather the perfect supplies…I’ve spent weeks on them some years, even finished making them in the summer sometimes…not this year…no time, NO inspiration. Luckily I bought several ornament kits about 6 six years back and have kept them in my craft closet…just in case…NO WAY would I need them. But there I was last night digging them out of the closet. They are little clear round ornaments that are water filled and have different types of glitter (a snowglobe, you know). They actually have 2 halves and you twist them open and add 2 back-to-back photos and close them back up. I’m adding all kinds of ribbon and doodads to the top, but no way to disguise these as "not a kit"…I know they’re lame…no "Martha" this year...I can feel the disappointment now. I was going through all my photos yesterday trying to find 2 photos (and the right size) of each person. I was struck by how few photos there are of me, but I also was struck by the ups and downs of my weight battle…160 lbs. (for the millionth time) just years ago…I remember I didn’t feel very skinny then at all…but there was the photo…no double chin…no belly. I have a hard time seeing myself as I am, at any weight, even now…I don’t feel like I look that fat, but I know I am. So this year I found my inspiration in my skinny photos…inspiration for my journey here. Too bad that doesn’t translate well into an ornament…but now I’m making one just for me…with my skinny photos...

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In response to a comment I got agreeing with not seeing me as I am:

Me too, me too! I think it's like listening to yourself on the answering machine...I just don't see/hear myself like I am. Maybe if I did I would have started this sooner. I've always remembered DH's grandmother at age 92 sitting in her wheelchair saying to my daughter "You know, I still see myself and feel inside like I did when I was 20!" Maybe that image of us at our best is what freezes in our minds...time now for the NEW best us!

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