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I'm writing a LAP BAND BOOK!!!


Sunday, May 31, 2009

5/31/09 Practical Jokers

We're still working outside. My neighbor and good friend's daughter came around selling plants for cheerleading. I was done planting, but I bought 2 more flats of plants. Yesterday we went to pick them up along with a few bags of mulch (yeah, those 8 yards weren't quite enough) and a few more items we needed. Deja vu …another planting and mulching weekend…groan.

I married my DH for his sense of humor…he still makes me laugh. My youngest-13, DS2 is his Dad in the making with jokes (he can always get me laughing), but unfortunately he also picked up on the practical joke trait…I hate practical jokes, so of course they torment me with them. All day long yesterday DS2 was 'getting me' with practical jokes. I'm turning on the hose and a trickle comes out…it happens now if there's a lot of water running elsewhere (had to have our water pressure turned down after it blew out our first water heater). I'm yelling to DH to see if someone's in the shower and the dishwasher is running. You guessed it, DS2 around the corner snickering while he holds a fold in the hose! I'm setting up the sprinkler, you guessed it…on comes the sprinkler in my face!

Practical jokes are a family specialty. The first time I drove down for the weekend to meet DH's parents his dad he tormented me with them. I poured my cereal and went to get the milk…came back and my bowl was gone…the snickering soon began as I was puzzling out where I left it…that was just the beginning…one shoe missing, etc. His dad is now 80 and he's still pulling them on me…there's no hope that DS2 will ever outgrow this.

DH has been doing these to me for years…he sees an opportunity and he's all over it…he's very quick witted…that and sneaky. Luckily when others are around I'm not the only mark. We were all driving in one of my sister's vans and she stopped to get gas. We had the same make of van and DH was sitting in the way back…he knew there was a wire back there that is a backup in case your lever that opens the gas door breaks. She finished filling up and closed the gas door…you guessed it 'POP' the door opens up…her windows were tinted so she couldn't see that we were in all hysterics watching her close it over and over as DH was quietly pulling that wire 'POP'!

He's done almost the same scenario on his sister as we all watched from the window in the house…POP the trunk keeps opening on his car as she's putting something in it (electronic opener).

My Mom, the gardener is always bringing me plants. When we first moved here she proudly brought us a May Apple plant. I'm thanking her and DH makes this huge deal out of how nice it is and that we need some cool shade plants for the woods behind us and sends her back into the woods to plant it. We soon hear "VERY FUNNY!' (I didn't know it, but he did, the woods was full of May Apple plants).

Once my sis and I went into the bathroom while DH was getting gas. We came out and got back into the car only to realize it wasn't our car! DH saw the same car waiting in line behind him and quickly got gas and moved around the corner to watch it all unfold...pure evil!

The only thing worse than a practical joke is scaring me…I HATE being scared! He's gotten me really badly many times, but I put the kibosh on that after one particular incident (I don't think I shared this yet). We were newlyweds and living in our first apartment and both working day jobs. I'd forgotten something I needed at home and went home during my lunch to get it. Well, I had to go so I went into our one bathroom and had a seat. I'm doing my thing and I suddenly hear a loud moan and two arms come around from either side of the shower curtain right next to me reaching for me …so NOT FUNNNY…I could have had a heart attack! He had forgotten his lunch that day and came home to eat it and heard me coming in…sneaky, the man is sneaky…and now I have two of them at home.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

5/30/09 On the Ice


It's the start of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals tonight and this town is rockin'. It's a rematch...with a new ending! Go Pens!

Friday, May 29, 2009

5/29/09 RIDE...the Magic Band!

*Post Deleted for Lap Band Book





Thursday, May 28, 2009

5/28/09 Weather Lady

We've had 3 days of rain and it looks like we're going to have 3 more...good for my new plants and all that mulch! We call my Mom the Weather Lady. It's become an obsession of hers. In fairness, she's an avid gardener and still volunteers at a local park with beautiful gardens at least once a week (big-wig there), so weather is important to her. If you want to know what the weather will be like today, or even a week out, call her. When we lived in Columbus we got updates all the time when the weather was turning bad and I always knew when it was time to grab the kids and head for the basement (she was appalled our community didn't have tornado sirens). We live about 3 ½ hours due East of her now, but if the weather is coming from her direction, trust me, she knows when the storm will be reaching us here in Pittsburgh. She has a fancy electronic weather machine outside that gives her digital readouts indoors, but her favorite forecaster is the 24/7 local radar cable TV channel with the electronic/computer generated voice giving you updates. Here we only get 'The Weather Channel' and it drives her nuts when she visits that she had to wait until the local on the 8's.

When we moved here my parents gave me a Weather Alert system (they have one of these too…or maybe 'two'…gotta have one upstairs and down). My Dad programmed it for me (I still haven't programmed my VHS). You put it in your bedroom and can input different counties around you and program it to blast an alarm and details for any kind of weather (it's only woken me up twice as I don't care about the severe thunderstorms or floods up on my hill…just tornado's, volcano eruptions, and glaciers coming my way, thank you very much). There's a button you can push to get the NationalWeatherCenter weather (24/7 of course) for your county too…I just look outside. I'm getting her one of these for her birthday and I'm going to have it personalized with her name…just trying to decide between the wall hung version or the stand-alone for her garden...tough decision.


My DH is a weather nut too, but for different reasons…when we moved here one of the local channel's had a cute little locally grown weather gal on it in the mornings and I soon noticed he had a preference for that channel (midlife-crushes are so cute don't you think?). Well a year or so back the gal left for a station in Texas…DH was in mourning for a year…this year she came back to the Pittsburgh station as Chief Meteorologist…they had countdown commercials advertising her coming back…I'm telling you, you would have thought she was reporting pigs were flying or it was really raining cats and dogs he was so attentive (can't remember what I said a minute ago, but ask him when the weather is on…she's now on 3 times every evening)! No one can report the 4 months of 'Snow', 'Snow', and more 'Snow' like that gal! I swear she'll make it to 'The Weather Channel' one day and then DH (and most of the men in Pittsburgh) will be in heaven…..hours and hours of Julie Bologna…LOL. I found out she wrote a book "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Extreme Weather." I might get it for DH (fitting title), but it better have pics...he'll be looking for the centerfold (too bad it's of cloud formations).

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

5/27/09 Fancy Pants

*Post Deleted for Lap Band Book












Tuesday, May 26, 2009

5/26/09 Band Firsts

*Post Deleted for Lap Band Book
 

Sunday, May 24, 2009

5/24/09 Speed Racer!

I jinxed myself. Here I am giving you all advice about driving, signs and the traffic on this holiday weekend. DD went camping and boating to a lake here in PA (about 3 hours from here) with a bunch of her friends this weekend. She drove a group and the last thing I said to her was ‘Drive safely!’ An hour later I got a call…her voice was shaking and it freaked me out ‘Mom?’...me ‘IS EVERYONE OK?!!’…Her ‘I got a SPEEDING TICKET!!!’ …me…just breathing again.

It was her first ticket. Remember how I told you all to watch the speed limits as you drove through unfamiliar streets? Hmmm…should have reminded her. She was on one of those 4 lane rural roads that has stop lights and a few businesses every once in awhile to somewhere she’s never been. The speed limit kept changing from 65 to 55…well she was caught speeding in a 45 mph zone; didn’t see the sign changing the speed limit. She was so upset…of course ‘everyone around her was going the same speed’. It’s a good lesson. We had a ‘teachable moment’ discussion and she calmed down. I only hope it doesn’t hinder her from getting good car insurance when she moves out of here and can’t be on our policy anymore. I’m just SO relieved it wasn’t a wreck and everyone is safe.

Oh, and the 8 yards of mulch is FINALLY done…we’re all exhausted, but now we can enjoy what’s left of our long weekend. I soaked in the jacuzzi tub for a half-hour and my muscles still hurt…black mulch…looks beautiful, but I have no fingernails left and my hands, even with garden gloves on, won’t come clean.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

5/23/09 Go Fish!


*Post Deleted for Lap Band Book

Friday, May 22, 2009

5/22/09 Scary Story

*Post Deleted for Lap Band Book




Thursday, May 21, 2009

5/21/09 Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign

My kids are off school for the next 5 days. Boy, that huge mulch pile arrived at just the right time…coincidence? I've been thinking, many of you are probably taking trips for Memorial Day weekend. Yes, the mulch pile has my name on it, but you're headed to better places...probably involving a beach chair and a cabana boy. I'm happy for you.......really I am.

Now you know the traffic is going to be crazy and I want my LBT friends to be safe out there. Please drive safely people and pay attention to the street signs as you're driving new routes through unfamiliar streets!

Pay close attention to the speed limit signs.




And I'm sure you know better than to speed lest you spend your long weekend in the pokey (no cabana boys there, but maybe some cute boys in uniform).


Children have the weekend off too. Remember my kids are off starting today, so please don't hit them...I can't make any more...and that mulch pile has their names on it too.


You might want to wake up the person riding shotgun when you need some help navigating and fly by signs like these at 45 mph.


...and when in doubt, just STOP and get your bearings.

Have a great vacation...and if you have no plans, no worries, you can always PM me for my address...we've got some crazy fun times planned involving wheelbarrows and pitchforks. I'll SIGN you up...I'm even taking long haired freaky people!
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*In response to Comments:

It's in the 80's and sunny here. You really need to move up North where the weather is nicer...LOL.

The only thing worse than a mulch pile? A wet mulch pile (like it's not heavy enough already!). We're expecting scattered showers over the weekend...YIKES.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

5/20/09 First Car

I was moving cars into the garage this morning to make room for the mountain of mulch (8 cubic yards...my back hurts just thinking about it) that will be arriving any minute and was reminded I keep forgetting to tell you that DD bought her first car. She could have had this:

Or this lovely 'green' car:



But Instead she bought a Toyota Corolla. It's used, but is in pristine, mint condition, has very low mileage and gets over 40 mpg. It was honestly owned by a 'little old lady" (my brother is in the Automotive industry).

Before she saw it she was a little disappointed in the color (same as the one in the pic), but then it was love at first sight. I was reminded of my first car…my hatchback Plymouth Arrow…When I found the ad in the paper my first question on the phone was "What color is it?". It was red and I thought I had the sexiest car around…I had to keep jumper cables next to me on the front seat at all times, but I loved that car.
DH bought his first car in HS. It was a Mustang and he still talks about that car.

First cars are like other important 'firsts' in your life; you never forget them. First cars are a rite of passage into the adult world. They give you the independence and freedom to go where you want, when you want, and they signal to the world that you're now old enough...to have your own debt!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

5/19/09 Parrot Head

You might recall I turned 50 the same week I got my Band (and DH’s 50th too). The next week we had DD’s college graduation and had both sides of the family in for a small party. DH and I decided we didn’t want to celebrate our 50th’s while the family was here as it would take away from DD’s event and we wanted the weekend to be all about her. We did open a few gifts at discreet times over the weekend.

You might recall I turned 50 the same week I got my Band (and DH's 50th too). The next week we had DD's college graduation and had both sides of the family in for a small party. DH and I decided we didn't want to celebrate our 50th's while the family was here as it would take away from DD's event and we wanted the weekend to be all about her. We did open a few gifts at discreet times over the weekend.
DD has been telling me that she's been working hard on our gift (from the boys and her) and this weekend they presented it to us. They bought us tickets to the Jimmy Buffet Concert! She also arranged for 3 of our favorite couples/friends to go. We go next week and I can't wait!

When we lived in Columbus, DH was in Sales and we lived within a few miles of the local amphitheater. His boss loved taking customers to this concert, so we hosted customers and went every year. If you've never been, it's a rowdy raucous event…huge tailgate parties with the most outrageous setups you've ever seen; tiki bars, swimming pools, palm trees, shark and fins ontop of cars, with limbo, hula hoop contests and giant twister games; people dressed in beach gear, Captain hats, pirate outfits, coconut bras and grass skirts. Beach balls and inflatable sharks fly all through the concert, and everyone (all ages, seriously) dancing and having fun. We had one couple have to cancel one year at the last minute, so I took my parents. I made my Dad (loves attention) a baseball cap with a parrot attached (fans are called 'Parrot Heads') and a sign on the front that said 'Virgin Parrot Head'. I got them dressed in Hawaiian shirts and leis. He was delighted at all the attention he got…Parrot Heads love old people at the concert, and a virgin is even better!

We haven't been since the move (9 years) as the amphitheatre here is an hour away and tickets sell out within minutes. DD finally snagged some from a ticket broker and we're all set…I'll have to get some new hats ready for our friends! It's on a Tuesday night; how much trouble can I get into...we'll see! Fins up!

Random Fan Photos:



Monday, May 18, 2009

5/18/09 Testing the Band

*Post Deleted for Lap Band Book

Sunday, May 17, 2009

5/17/09 All Hail The Magic Bullet!

I don't usually get this excited about appliances, but this thing is awesome. A few years back we bought one of those Smoothie machines for DD (like a blender with a spigot at the bottom) and it lasted about a week before the motor burned up. The Magic Bullet has been everything it promised and more. I love how easy it is to use and I especially love how easy it is to clean…everything can get thrown into the dishwasher. Someone really designed this well and thought through this product. It's seriously a Bandster's best friend, especially during the liquid diet and I have a feeling I'll be using it even more to chop things up into smaller bites once I have some restriction. I've used it for making frozen drinks, smoothies and protein shakes. It does a great job of chopping fruits and veggies as well and I've used it for onions, dips and soups. The motor base takes up about as much room as a coffee cup on your counter and I use it so often it's now got a permanent place sitting out.

OK, the rest of this is going to sound like a Billy Mays infomercial, but that's how much I love this thing. It comes with two different blades which work well on ice or even hard coffee beans or spices. There are 4 cups and 2 different sized containers. You pour everything into the cup or container and twist on one of the 2 blades…turn it all upside down and stick it on the motor…lock it down with a twist for steady mixing (less than a min. recommended so you don't stress the motor, but I've never needed a whole min. even) or press and release to pulse. Now you turn it upright again and untwist the blade…twist on a lip ring if you're using a mug and you're drinking in seconds. There are even covers if you don't finish the whole thing so you can throw the mug in the fridge for later. It's also completely microwave safe. They include 2 steamer/shaker tops for steaming veggies or whatever in the microwave or there are different sized holes for shaking out cheeses or spices. I bought this set at Kohl's for about $30 (it was on sale and I had one of those 30% off scratch card coupons). Online it comes with bonus items of a full sized blender and a juicer. My DH says that they now offer it at Costco for $50 and it comes with more items than my set.

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*In response to Comments:

Thanks all! I do hope the motor lasts...they say as long as you run it for less than a min. the motor should last. I put frozen fruit in it a lot when I was making the protein shakes and it did fine. I make and microwave my scrambled eggs in it all the time. I'll remember the tip on meats for when I get more restriction, thanks! -BG
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