I'm on a new journey to pay-it-forward & with the support of my Groupies/friends...

I'm writing a LAP BAND BOOK!!!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

11/30/11 Meat Bigot and New LB Patents

Hey peeps!  Hope you all had a GREAT holiday week!  I know I did!  Exhausting, but fun!

It was nice to have DS1 home for the week...even though he's still on 'college time' (aka slept until noon), so we had limited hours of 'overlap'.  DS2 and he had a great night they were up until 5am playing the new video game.  DS2 even commented the day he left 'I miss my brother!  Who am I going to play (video) games with?!'  Ummm...remember me?...Many years ago, when you first started playing these, who was the one that figured out that you could actually get in and ride in those vehicles that you and your brother had been running right past for six months!!!

Thanksgiving was fun, but a little hectic.  I decided to try some new things in the cooking dept. this year...yeah, I hear you...'new' and 'Thanksgiving' shouldn't happen on the same day, let alone 'cooking' and 'BG'...but you know me, I'm always up for 'process improvement' and making things better...So I learned a few lessons some good, some like my LB journey (stay tuned for new LB/WLS patents).

- Lesson 1:  I made two, 11+ lb. turkey's instead of one huge one.  I was watching a show where they were discussing dark and white meat (apparently you're either a lover of one or the other, not both...there's a lot of turkey meat bigotry going on out there! Are you a meat bigot?), and someone mentioned cooking two birds to get more dark meat...well, 4 out of 5 of us are dark meat lovers (once you go...), so of course I'm a risk taker...settled.

When you buy two pretty large birds you need a pan the size of the two birds rack in your oven...nope, two pans would be even better!  It's kinda like a cup, no matter how large, just doesn't get the job done (especially true after WLS...*idea* I should invent a bra with wires or sticky tape all the way around to keep our saggy boobs/excess skin in place!  Anyone 'fallen out' yet?...not even sleeping on your side?...anyone? anyone?).  Note to self: buy pans before next enormous oval roasting pan was on overload...wing elbows had to be covered with foil (No burnt funny-bones in my house!! I need all the laughter I can get!), and there was no way to get to the juices easily to baste them.

-  Lesson 2: When you upgrade from the old dial style meat thermometer to a new digital one, try it out first, or at least move it to several places in the bird it around and test's like an infant with a fever...before calling the doc and getting him out of bed, test under the tongue, under the arm, and up the kazoo!

-  Lesson 3: Cooking two turkey's side by side is kinda like sunbathing side by side...the person next to you is shading you from the heat.  The point where the two turkeys were jammed came together cooked more slowly than the outside points (cutting the meat and a convection oven soon fixed the problem).  I believe the trick is to rotate the turkey's halfway through the cooking time (yes, even in two pans) least that's where I'm headed next year...that or a little suntan lotion on the outside parts.

- Lesson 4: Buying an 'injector' was a great new idea...even the white meat was full of juicy goodness (what's not to like about stock and more butter (4 sticks)?  Now, if I could just figure out how to inject bacon (what doesn't taste better with bacon LOL)!  I wonder if that needle would work in my port?...hey, *idea* I could invent 'flavored saline' for fills!...I wonder if the flavors would penetrate the plastic...not unheard of, as plastics do take in flavors/smells...this would be why perfumes and potpourri should never be stored in plastic...hey, don't believe me?...Just go smell/taste that tupperware that you always store your onions in!  Mmmm...chocolate flavored saline...mmm...I wonder if 'bacon' flavored saline would cause more head hunger or less? 

- Lesson 5: Be prepared to pay more, but two 'young' turkeys taste better than one large 'old' turkey...hmmm there's a LB analogy in there somewhere (yes, I know I'm old).

- Lesson 6: Just because you charge the batteries and have the camera and camcorder sitting ready to go does NOT mean the pictures will magically get taken (and G*d knows nobody in my family will just pick one up...Obese Mom = she's always been behind the cameras).  So EPIC FAIL!  I have NOT ONE PICTURE from Thanksgiving for the first time...ever (I almost cried).  And I'm telling you, it was a work of one sets up a buffet like I do (it actually tastes pretty good, but I know it looks even better).  And where are all the pics of my happy, stuffed family around the table?!!  I guess the upside here is that I'm getting used to tossing the camera to others and getting my photo taken...I just have to remember the toss. 

- Lesson 7: Mini pies were a great new idea (I bought a muffin pan with extra large rounds, because I couldn't find the individual tart ones).  DD brought the BF to dinner so it was easy to load them up with leftovers and some pies (made 2 kinds) to take, when you say 'I ate the whole pie!' it doesn't mean what it used to!!  OK, here's a pic of the leftover mini pies the next day...and please see that I also bought these three (aren't they cute?!) mini cake/pie pedestals (inexpensive @ TJMaxx and Marshall's) for my sideboard.

And did you notice the little pastry pumpkins I handmade for the center of each pumpkin pie?! OK, we won't talk about the pretty leaves I made for the chocolate chip pies...that sunk into the pies when they cooked (we never found them again) ...I told you, I'm WAY to creative to be a great cook!
OK, I've got my two new patents and now I need a few of you for my 'trials'...sign up now if you have saggy boobs that try to climb fall out of your bras...and here if you would like to 'taste' flavored saline at your next fill (chocolate, bacon, and potato chip flavors are now available...I'm also adding liver as my 'control' group...anyone? anyone?...perhaps it will cure the 'hungries' permanently?).


Darlin1 said...

Let me be the first to sign up for both trials....I know this will be a blind testing.....but could I some how get the BACON?


diane said...

I'd like to try a martini in my port please? You know for a slow release holiday buzz! LOVE the mini pies....I brought three (maybe 5 or 6" across) to my sis's because there would be no way to agree on one type...much less guilt at eating a whole one!

trisha said...

i sooo laughed at the video game part where you taught them how to get in the cars... that's SO something similar to what happened with me and my son! lol

Beth Ann said...

Next year I'm coming to your house for Thanksgiving. WOW!!

Beth said...

I love the mini pedestals, very cute! Considering that I buy the pies and make nothing for Thanksgiving I am quite impressed with your undertaking!

Ronnie said...

Have you ever tried cooking the turkey breast down? I do it every year and it's SO much juicier, and there's no need for basting. :)

Jody V said...

Thank you for the laugh! Everything looked great! I'll remember those lessons learned!


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