8/3/10 My Secret to my BEST

I thought I'd let you in on something I'm writing about in the maintenance portion of the book...here's the abbreviated version...

Yes, I'm coining yet another LB term here in the blogosphere...because I'm lazy. Goggle didn't even help me this time...like it did when I started using "BDD" (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) way back when I started this journey...and that one took off like wildfire. OK, so my 'Goal Limbo' didn't exactly catch on, but I thought it was descriptive...maybe it needed an acronym or something 'cute'. Like the ones we learned from the boards when we first start..."PB", "stuck", "bat wings", "PS".

We need a term for the skin that deflates after WLS...NO, not stretch marks, the baggy stuff...YES, I KNOW you have a 'panni', but I don't...I have a 'fanni'...or maybe that's two 'fannis'...I wonder if 'fanni' is considered a plural? ...but I digress (go figure)...I need a term for skin on any part of your body that's now loose.

Hmm...let me think...How about ES (Elephant Skin), that's more what it looks like after all...lots of wrinkled skin? Naw that just makes people picture rough skin, like those lotion commercials. BES (Baggy Elephant Skin)? Yeah, that could work!

And now....

...for my secret...

...the secret to making my BES (pronounced Bess) look SO much better?

...alright...are you ready for it?...

...a tan!

Yep, I'm turning my BES into my BEST!!!

It's BES with a 'T' for Tan!

OK, why we pasty white girls (you dark skin gals just always look better) think that gross cellulite hanging skin looks better with a tan is beyond me...but it does, doesn't it?! So, I've decided I'm going to be tan the rest of my life! It's part of my maintenance plan.

But how to go about this? Hmmm...pasty white girl who burns like butter in a frying pan...only one option...

...NO not paint...but you know I LOVE those craft projects...

...SUNLESS TANNER!!!!

I opted for the darker color 'Medium to Tan' instead of 'Pasty White to Pale'....I know, I'm living dangerously, but no guts no glory and I only have two days to tan...I'll be looking black and beautiful in no time flat...either that or I'll look like a zebra on the beach with all my lotion stripes...I'd recommend diagonal stripes if you have 'curtain legs' BEST- go across the 'grain'...and vertical stripes, they're SO much more slimming up top...and you can get creative and add 'hair' to your tummy so it looks like a face like mine with with my scar 'eyes' and my new 'frownie' (belly-button)...

OR after I get out of the ocean I'll look like this...


I can't reach my shoulder blades to put the lotion on, so I'm sure I'll look like I have 'back boobs' as well...

'People of WalMart' http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=6714 here I come!

7/1/10 Too Thin?

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6/25/10 My Wrinkles

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Come on...sing it with me!!! Cracking open the 'box of wine' for you all now...there's no such thing as too early...hold those glasses still GF's...happy weekend! OK, now you're singing...and dancing...WHOOT!

6/9/10 It's all Joey's Fault

I was getting in the shower this morning and I was thinking about Joey's latest blog (yes, I'm still reading) and her NSV about now seeing the sunlight triangle between her upper legs...well, I hadn't thought about that so I looked in the mirror...whoot!...air and...and...?...wait a minute...what's that back there?...ummm WTHeck?...*sound of my BDD body image bubble bursting*...triangle in front...then...back there...I CAN SEE BUTT CHEEKS!

...*hangs head*...thanks Joey...I'm not joining your cult...BTW Kool-aid has mega calories...just thought you'd wanna know....keep walking toward the light GF...tri-lights my a$$ (literally)!

5/27/10 Thank You Note and 'Support'

Let me get this out of the way first, since someone asked me. Yes, that is my port you can see there...HEY, we were a LOT lumpier before, don't be afraid of a little port bump!

Now onto the main event...Thank you 200 followers! Yes, that punkster is out there again soliciting followers so I'll have to share pictures again... Be careful what you wish for people...your eyes may fall out this time. This is my very warped thank you note;

Three words that strike terror into every woman's heart...Bathing Suit Shopping...never a good time in BG land....but wait, she looks almost...well, happy...

...*cue scary music* DUH, DUH, DUH, DUH...

I BOUGHT A TWO PIECE BATHING SUIT!!! No, I'm not talking about a tank top one that covers everything. As recently as about a week ago I was having trouble buying sleeveless tops and now I'm baring my tummy, scars and all LOL...well, at least in the dressing room. I needed a suit with loose shorts or a skirt (remember my bum and back of my thighs are hideous, alright, alright, I'm getting sick of hearing about it too...hang in there and I'll prove it) and DD convinced me after trying on a few, that the 'grandma style' one piece suits that were like a mini dress were too A-line and none of them hugged my best part (my waist, she said) so they fell outward to my widest part and gave me a Christmas tree shape...I didn't know I had a 'best part', but I went with her theory.

I bought the one I liked best...I BOUGHT A TWO PIECE BATHING SUIT! I can't say it enough...or maybe two-piece isn't quite the right word as I've had other two pieces that covered everything. Can I call this a bikini even since it is skirted? Yes, I think I can...I BOUGHT A FREAKIN' BIKINI!

I haven't shown my belly in a bathing suit in over 20 years...DH bought me a 'loose shorts with bikini top' suit for my birthday after DD was born and she was less than one when I wore it...22 years ago (if he hadn't bought it as a gift it would have been even more years ago)! Can you tell that belly and back haven't seen the light of day in over 20 years? Talk about pasty white! I think a little sunless tanner cream might be in order!

I love that the polka dots hypnotize you into looking upward and then they subliminally make you think I might have some boobage under there, well, at least until I stand sideways and the spell fades. It's Ralph Lauren...and don't you love the navy and white terry coverup that matches above (it has another striped tie bow across the top of the V-Back).

OK, the scars aren't pretty, but I know they'll continue to fade. Now the hard part...this is about as hard as showing those Before photos...you've all done a great job of sharing your jiggly parts and I want those with booty to know they're not alone (no, I'm not trying to scare the he!! out of you). There is lots of sharing and support for people's 'possible tummy tuck' problems, but where's the support group for those of us with deflated booties (Or maybe it's a 12 step program I need? Or maybe just support period...Spanx WHEN are you going to start making bathing suits I believe I placed that order last summer!?)? Plus, I want you all to know that everyone has problem areas (yes, so you can feel better about yourselves while you point and laugh at me).
I'm showing my 'worst skin' part...those awful thighs and bum...it's even worse looking close up, but that's as close as you're getting (unless your behind me on the steps to the water slide)...it looks like crepe paper with soft wrinkles all through it...just weird. I was even nice enough (sorry Andrew, FB, and Andy...overt your eyes now or you'll never have sex again) to pull the suit up over my cheeks. You may not be able to tell from this pic, but I have very long legs...as long as my 6'3" husbands (I'm about 5'8.5", lost an inch)...it doesn't look that way because my bum has now fallen down into my thighs...seriously it's dropped half a foot...trust me my crotch is much higher than those cheeks...they're like others describe their boobs...deflated (and no, thank you, I'm not getting butt implants). So while you're looking into tummy tucks, I'm wondering if there is such a thing as a butt tuck? How about butt lift?...Maybe I can afford one cheek?

I don't even know who I am anymore....showing my a$$ on the internet (who was talking about personality changes LOL). Here's your big 'thank you' LOL...now sing it with me (the group theme song of course, could it be anything else?)...*I like big butts...*

Alrighty then...whose going to join me in 'support'...let the mooning begin...

5/26/10 My Second Vlog!

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5/25/10 Retail Therapy

DD and I went shopping (mainly for her birthday this summer) for 5.5 hours yesterday...that girl can shop until I drop! Get this, I also did some major shopping damage for my first big purchases since reaching goal...

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Just ignore my underwear showing as I know I need strapless bras/tanks underneath for some of these...and sorry no head shots as I just got out of the shower. Yes, I finally bought some sleeveless tops to show off those wings that I've earned (aren't you proud of me?)!



I'm thinking these two need to go back though...fullness right on my hips (my problem area) in the turquoise one and the red one is super thin clingy fabric.


OK, yes, I did buy some black that made up most of my previous wardrobe (and three pair of black and gray winter leggings not shown), but they're sleeveless dresses (and I also bought some other plain colorful tops/tanks not shown). The one on the right is a much bigger size (14) than I wear (8), but I thought it works because it's just a full dress with a belt (and it's Talbots and has a nice separate shift slip underneath).

OK, I'm off to a girls lunch out (in a sleeveless top)...but I wanted to let you know that I also bought something else...I'm thinking you'll be even prouder of me for this one...let's just say that I'll be showing you my bum and awful thighs (can't wait can you)...I'll save that for when I reach 200 followers (since I'm not following much, my followers have stalled...to be expected). Off to lunch!

5/19/10 Thong Th Thong Thong Wrong

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5/18/10 That Four Letter Word...

Rain...

No, that's not the word...I'm starting with some personal updates (rain for the second day is just pissing me off), then we'll get to the LB, and that other bad word...

What's Happening:

- We finish the garage sale Saturday. We got rid of almost 1/2 the stuff and made about $100...woo. Yes, we priced things very cheap...people kept telling us they couldn't believe the deals they were getting (I just wanted it gone). I even set out three boxes of new things with the tags still on them from my 'gift closet' (LOL, things like baby clothes that were the wrong size/season, clothing for me that never fit, gifts I never gave, etc.). What's better than selling 1/2 the crap? Setting 10 boxes of leftovers at the curb and watching the Vets pick them up yesterday! The only thing that could ruin that moment? My two oldest buying four LARGE (we're talking couch and huge tables large) pieces of furniture from other's garage sales (I knew I was doomed Friday morning each time they would come back up the street in my minivan and back into the driveway). DH can no longer park his car in the garage and we're going to have to upgrade my minivan to a U-Haul to move their crap around.

- It was DS1's 20th birthday Saturday. His GF came up for the day and took him to the zoo and then we had a great dinner and family party. Can I just say that my children make me feel old...I just realized I can no longer say 'my teens' in my blog anymore as I now have 2 out of 3 kids that are 20 or older...Ahhh! How dare they grow up so fast and make me feel old...the pain of childbirth has returned to bite me in the butt!

- Sunday DH and I went to four nurseries to buy plants and bushes (all these garage sales have put me behind on my gardening). I decided we needed to redo some of the front landscaping as we lost some bushes from the waist-high snow this winter...plus some of the planting beds were getting out of control (we now have 10 tiny new bushes...and sunburns). We've never lived anywhere long enough to have to replace landscaping LOL...hard to believe we just reached 9 years here! I also have flats full of annuals waiting to be planted, but we've had two days of cold rain... d*mnit, now I have to clean my house (you can only imagine the mess after hauling all that crap out of the basement to sort)...sun tomorrow!

- Blog Comments:
---Thanks for asking, yes, my patio is still (mostly) brown and shiny (ask DD, she wiped out on the slick surface yesterday trying to run to her car in the rain). I'll try to take some pics when the sun is back out.
---Anonymous- thank you for the comment. It's comments and emails like that, that keep me moving forward on the book.

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4/22/10 HEY WORLD!

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4/22/10 Happy Bandiversary!

Let's get this party started!

My very first vlog....your gift for my Bandiversary Party! I wanted to reflect on the year. Sorry about the lighting...and OMG remind me not to sit between two windows again...my hair looks white and the downward light makes me look like I'm 100...I need a serious BDD intervention!

Hope this works!
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3/24/10 Tell All

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3/15/10 Funky Chicken

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3/11/10 The Incredible Shrinking Woman

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2/16/10 Before, During, and almost After's

Well, I just got back from my Cardiologist check-up and since it was all good news I decided on the way home that I'd post a little blog about it...but then I had a HEART ATTACK!!!!!!!!!

100 Followers!!!! Seriously?!!! AHHHHHH!!! PALPITATIONS!!!! I left the Cardiologist too soon *clutching heart*....AHHHHHH!!!

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I'm only doing this in hopes of inspiring someone else, like everyone's pics inspired me...I don't have the perfect body, but at least it's now a healthy one. Enjoy!

Before----------1/13/09 = 244 (-4 lbs.)
During----------8/2/09 = 195 (-53 lbs.)
Almost After--1/30/10 = 163 (-85 lbs.)








Thank you 100 Followers!

1/26/10 The Last Stretch?

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1/19/10 Size Matters

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1/8/10 Another Link In The Head-Band- Part 2

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1/8/10 Another Link In The Head-Band- Part 1

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10/14/09 What Goes Around Comes Around

I just had to share a little laugh I had today. I got my hair trimmed yesterday (same style I've had the last 4 mo. or so) and I was showing the new gal how I wanted my hair with swoopy bangs and curled back...you know layered and flipped back like the 80's.

Today I was trying on some more old pants from the closet and found this old pair of 18's I can barely fit into (I'm in a 16 at the stores now...more generous sizes...love that). They are those old high waisted jeans...hit me way above the belly button right on the port (which I put high enough that pants wouldn't hit them LOL). They would be described these days as 'Mom Jeans' yikes! I'm so glad shirts are long right now so I can camouflage the old styles, but when DD gets home from her business trip I think we'll have to go through a few of these and decide what looks too outdated.

I was standing there in the bathroom mirror thinking I was styling like the 80's again! Well, I don't weigh 135 anymore and the hair isn't as 'BIG' (especially with half my hair falling out from the anesthesia…I think that finally stopped) but you know what I mean! ...and when will I start liking any photo of me...ugh.

Pic 1- Me 1980 and my BIG hair, sorry you can't see the high waist jeans
Pic 2- Me today and my still huge hips/thighs, pulled my shirt up...see how high these are!

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*In response to Comments:

Oh my! Now I'm embarrassed...feeling like I was fishing for a compliment...it's just me still not comfortable with the photos yet honestly...and tell me how long it took you to feel great again when you saw a pic? My head just needs to catch up...I'm the eternal optimist/positive except when it comes to body image...the curse of us fat people. ...and hey, trust me, I don't expect to look like that again...it's been almost 30 years LOL!

Thank you all for your positive comments...and I'm ditching those jeans. -BG