11/3/10 The Neverending Story

I've been sitting vigil at the hospital for three days now…yes it's quiet here and DS is sleeping non-stop…so you would think that I would be working on the book…but I'm too brain dead…so I'm unloading some of that brain matter on you…here's what's in that snarky, rambling brain today…(BTW x-ray was good, he's fully loaded with 2 intervenous antibiotics and two pain meds, just waiting for the bloodwork and the Doc to spring him hopefully)…

We recently got our first flat screen TV…no not because we wanted it, but because we needed it…OK…I needed it. I have an addiction to TV…not that I watch a lot of it, but it's my friend. I don't like being in the house alone…yes, you know I'm still afraid of the dark (d*mn right it's scary…and dark…not to mention quiet…except when there are noises…creepy house noises), but I'm talking about during the day…I don't like being alone…OK, I do have my moments…like that nude dash through the house to celebrate when the teacher's strike finally ended and my kids went back to school…BTW I'm still angry with you teachers…if you'd told me upfront that you'd be on strike for over a month I'd have gone on a nice vacation (yes, and taken my bratty kids you weren't teaching) or something else inane instead of tuning into the school channel every night praying that it would all end…next time hire someone more in touch to negotiate your contract…so sorry that you now have to pay $10 per pay period for your health insurance that covers everything 100%…I'll send you my healthcare bills (lest you think I hate teachers, please remember that I was one, and two of my favorite teachers are two of my sisters, and I would give all the good ones a healthy raise…a strike sticking point over going from no payments for healthcare to a piddly $10 was just out-of-touch…and almost incited a parent riot…in my front yard…or maybe it was in my head).

Where was I…oh, TV…my friend. Anywhozle, I have lots of TV's and one is constantly on during the day…the Great Room one…keeping me company in the background…while I'm doing laundry…or writing…or sorting holiday bins…whatever. The little TV we have in our bedroom died…a slow death…DH tried to coax it back to life, but it's intermittent blackouts were apparently not a result of the cable failing in the bedroom (like DH thought)…or Russia finally sending those cold-war nukes over (like I thought…does anyone but me still worry and 'assume the position' under a desk when the TV blacks out unexpectedly…especially after 9/11?). So after playing mix n' match, moving TV's and plugging in other cables, my DH finally declared surrender and announced that we needed a new little TV for the bedroom. Smart me…the kids blew the speakers on our great room TV (its buzzing voice drives me nuts during the day as I have to turn it up to hear it in the laundry room) so I announced that we needed a new Great Room TV and we could put the one with the speech impediment in the bedroom. Well DH took to that like kids (me) to Halloween candy…before I knew it he was calling from the electronics store to 'measure the entertainment cabinet for me'…and came home with a flat screen (for a very deep entertainment cabinet…I'll have to figure out what to do with all that extra space behind the TV…maybe store some more holiday bins)….and get this…he starts the installation by unscrewing the fold and slide in doors off our entertainment cabinet…oh YES, he had to get the biggest one possible that almost touches the sides of the cabinet with the doors removed…it's the rules…'the electronics store guy said so'…and 'they only come in two sizes' anyway…tiny…or take-the-doors-off-I'll-just-fit.

I'm not complaining…DH finally decided we actually needed HDTV to go with the new HDTV capable TV…now there's a novelty. Remember now…we were Amish for many years…just ask my oldest…we were the LAST people in the world to get a home computer…and then DD dubbed us 'half-Amish' until DH decided to get cable TV after 'everyone else' had it. As much as my DH enjoys buying anything that plugs in he's not a 'techy' person (yeah, and I have that tech-impairment). When we bought the huge rear-projection TV for the basement rec. room he was forward thinking enough to get the 'HD capable' TV…in case they ever got around to actually having HD capable channels (which they did)…and you wanted to buy the conversion box in the future for your TV (which we never did). So he jumped all over that HD (OK, ten years after everyone else…hey, we're not Amish anymore…just Mennonites). Well the HD cable came with my new bestest friend…DVR on the cable box…I didn't even know there was such a thing…I've still been recording things on our VHS…I'm not kidding…we have a DVR player in the basement but I never did figure out how to record to it…ever…OK, maybe we're one level worse with technology than Mennonites…what would that be? Quakers? Maybe Senior Citizens? D*mn you AARP…No, Means NO!

I have no clue where this tale was headed…oh yeah…my new bestest friend…the new flat screen TV with the DVR HD…I can now record any program and can pick a familiar voice to keep me company during the day…Oprah, Martha, Nate Berkus, Candice Olson, Antonio Ballatore…my kids say I'm addicted to HGTV (not to be confused with HDTV). And here's the kicker…I CAN REWIND LIVE TV (like when my DH decides to have an in depth conversation about the perils of leaf blowing while you're finally figuring out who-done-it)…and here's the best part…YOU CAN PAUSE LIVE TV (like if you have to go the bathroom…because you have incontinence…and it takes meditation and prayer to pee…and it takes forever…but I'm not saying that's you…but if it were…YOU CAN PAUSE LIVE TV)! Bet you didn't know that little nugget, did you? OK I think that's all that's in my brain dump…a neverending story…that you don't have to rewind…or pause…because there's no who-done-it to miss…or even a point, apparently.